youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Life is so much better after having sex.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
