I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize