I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
