Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
