Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
