yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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