there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
