counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize