Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
