I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
