Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
