If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
