You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
