i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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