I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
