New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Found your dick twin last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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