I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You can't motorboat a personality
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
