you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I forget how to act sober
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