M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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