i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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