So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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