There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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