Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Less talking, more tequila
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
