Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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