If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize