Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
