I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
