We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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