Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
