Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
