did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
