I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
