wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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