I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
