You're my little dorito
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize