he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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