Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
