so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
