We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
false alarm, still single
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
