So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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