Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
