When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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