Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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