Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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