I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
