Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
