My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
