Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
