dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
