Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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