my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He did a backflip because drugs
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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