It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want her autograph on my taint
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
