but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I did not marry a roomba.
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