Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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