You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
