Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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