I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
