Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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