he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
