Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
