Already got asked if we're dating
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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