Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
