She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
