dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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