There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
