Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize