It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
