Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize