no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My life is pants optional.
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