She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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