I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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