I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize