the day after is always just damage control
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize