it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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