i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
