Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Houston, we have a squirter
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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