the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
home. puking in laundry basket.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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