there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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