It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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