i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They took my balls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
